My dad thought that living in a spotless, "immaculate", organized, and orderly home was really important.
"A place for everything and everything in its place."
That was one of his mantras.
Another was,
"Cleanliness is next to godliness."
I was an older teenager before I realized that this ideology was not actually scripture.
But I've found that as an adult my dad's all important creeds haven't helped me at all.
I am neither "immaculate" nor orderly.
Not spotless or organized.
But, I have this innate desire, almost an obsessive need to be those things and more.
My daily emotional balance and intellectual capabilities hinge on it.
If things in "my world" are not organized, orderly, or spotless then I suddenly go into a fog and I can't think clearly, my mood starts to change and I feel very confused and unable to function at a descent level.
So, living in the organized, spotless home with the very strict schedule and home life didn't seem to benefit me at all. In fact, in many ways it seems to have hindered me.
Not only do I find myself unable to be fully functional without my surroundings being next to perfect, I am also incapable of creating and keeping that state of being in my life and home with my husband and children.
So, for some reason, my father thought those things were very important and he assumed that they would be beneficial to us, his children, then and in the future. He spent a lot of his time, his emotional and physical energy making sure that he instilled those things into us, into our lives.
And yet, the outcome hasn't been what he expected.
I don't want to cause a repeat of this in my children.
It makes daily life more of a struggle than it should be.
So, again I ask..."What's really important?"
Maybe I'll ask my children and see what they say.
"A place for everything and everything in its place."
That was one of his mantras.
Another was,
"Cleanliness is next to godliness."
I was an older teenager before I realized that this ideology was not actually scripture.
But I've found that as an adult my dad's all important creeds haven't helped me at all.
I am neither "immaculate" nor orderly.
Not spotless or organized.
But, I have this innate desire, almost an obsessive need to be those things and more.
My daily emotional balance and intellectual capabilities hinge on it.
If things in "my world" are not organized, orderly, or spotless then I suddenly go into a fog and I can't think clearly, my mood starts to change and I feel very confused and unable to function at a descent level.
So, living in the organized, spotless home with the very strict schedule and home life didn't seem to benefit me at all. In fact, in many ways it seems to have hindered me.
Not only do I find myself unable to be fully functional without my surroundings being next to perfect, I am also incapable of creating and keeping that state of being in my life and home with my husband and children.
So, for some reason, my father thought those things were very important and he assumed that they would be beneficial to us, his children, then and in the future. He spent a lot of his time, his emotional and physical energy making sure that he instilled those things into us, into our lives.
And yet, the outcome hasn't been what he expected.
I don't want to cause a repeat of this in my children.
It makes daily life more of a struggle than it should be.
So, again I ask..."What's really important?"
Maybe I'll ask my children and see what they say.
